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爱就是不将就
☑ 01
Many Chinese women, especially those over 30, are probably asked a million times, "Why are you still single?" They are also looking for an answer to the puzzling question, "Why am I still single?"
许多中国女人，尤其是那些30岁以上的中国女人，可能经常会被问到一个问题：“你为什么还单着？”而她们自己也在寻找这个令人困惑问题的答案：“为什么我还单着？”
Well, the answer is kind of easy. Either you don't like the people who like you or the people you like don't like you back.
好吧，答案其实很简单。要么就是你不喜欢喜欢你的人，要么就是你喜欢的人不喜欢你。
Now, look at these two problems, which one do you think is easier to solve?
那么现在看看这两个问题，你认为哪一个更容易解决？
Well, we all know that you can't force someone to like you. So, the easier way is to change yourself. That is exactly what my mother always encourages me to do when choosing a partner.
我们都知道你不能强迫别人喜欢你，所以更简单的方法就是改变自己。我母亲在我挑选对象的时候也是鼓励我这么做的。
"Marry someone who likes you more than you like him. That's the key to a happy marriage," she said.
她对我说：“与其嫁个你喜欢的人，不如嫁个喜欢你的人。这才是婚姻幸福的关键。”
Is that so? I wonder. Well, it might be easier for single women in their early 20s to change when they are still trying to understand who they are and what they want. If a woman chooses to be single in her 30s, it means she probably prefers to stay single rather than settling down with someone who doesn't appreciate her.
真的是这样吗？我很怀疑！对那些刚刚20出头的单身女人来说，改变或许很容易——她们还在试图弄明白自己是谁、自己想要什么。而如果一个女人30岁了还是单身，那可能意味着与其和不喜欢的人将就，她宁愿单着。
☑ 02
"The girls of your generation are too picky nowadays," my mother always says.
我母亲总是对我说：“你们这一代的女孩子太挑了。”
My friend, 35-year-old Kay, is one of the picky "three high women" - higher education, higher salary and physically higher than most women.
我的朋友小凯（35岁）就是一个这样挑剔的“三高”女性——高学历、高收入、高身高。
She is looking for someone who is, of course, higher than her in all those aspects. Some people have suggested that she lower her standards, but she said she has been waiting for so long that she might as well continue waiting.
她也在找对象，不过那个人当然得在所有方面都比她还要“高”才行。许多人都建议她降低标准，但是她却说既然已经单了这么久，（如果没有合适的）还是继续单下去吧。
Like Kay, many of my single friends said if the guy is not "good enough," they prefer to stay single. They know what kind of person they are looking for, and they are not willing to compromise. They have a higher education and financial independence so that they can avoid marrying someone they don't like.
和小凯一样，我许多单身朋友都表示，如果男人没那么好，她们宁愿单身。她们知道自己要找的是哪种人，她们不愿意在这方面妥协。她们学历很高、经济也独立，因此她们可以不嫁给一个自己不喜欢的人。
Another of my single friends, Yanyan, bought her first apartment five years ago. We all thought it was a bad idea for a single woman in her late 20s to buy an apartment because it would decrease her chances of finding a man.
我另一个单身朋友燕燕5年前买了自己第一套房。我们都认为奔三女人买房不是一个好主意，因为这样她找对象的机会就更少了。
"If he feels threatened by me, then he shouldn't bother dating me," she said.
她却说道：“如果他觉得受到了我的威胁，他就不应该和我谈恋爱。”
Five years later, Yanyan is still single and rich.
5年过去了，燕燕还是单身、还是有钱。
☑ 03
I agree with her. It is easier to marry someone who has a house and a car than someone who loves you the way you are. Many married women complain that they are not happy with their husband. It's probably because they wanted his house and car but not him.
我同意她的意见。和嫁给一个喜欢原原本本的你的男人相比，嫁给一个有房有车的男人还要容易一些。许多已婚女性都抱怨和丈夫在一起并不快乐。这可能因为她们想要的只是丈夫的房子和车子，而不是他这个人。
If most women choose to stay single because they don't want to compromise, then here comes another question: "How can I make him like me?"
如果大多数女人都因为不愿妥协而选择单身，那么接下来另一个问题就是：“我怎么才能让他喜欢我？”
Honestly, I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't still be single. But I do know the best thing you can do is to be more comfortable with yourself.
老实说，我也不知道。如果我知道，我就不会单身了。但是我知道，你最好是让自己更自在一些。
You are not looking for your other half; you are a complete person.
你寻找的不是你的另一半，因为你本身就是一个完整的人！
So, if that person doesn't like the way you are, he is probably not worthy of you.
所以，如果那个人不喜欢你，他可能也就不值得你喜欢。
那么你呢，
选择一个宠爱你的人呢？
还是绝不屈服，
千辛万苦也要找到你喜欢的人？
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